


Fremdschämen

by orphan_account



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, Mentions of Underage, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-01 04:08:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15134783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Part Deux.Noah abandons his quest to preserve the timeline, to murder the boys in the book, and chooses to stay in 1986 with Helge.He makes an enormous error of judgement.





	Fremdschämen

**Author's Note:**

> Here is Part One: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249905/chapters/30309732
> 
> Thanks for the encouragement to finish this! I know I said I would post it ages ago but I got hurt and couldn't type for a while.

 

 

 

 

 

Bernd is an easy kill at this point in history. In a wheelchair, frail and withered and with no one who gives a damn about him.

Noah has long since forsaken his squeamishness. Because boys are not just boys and frail little old men can be monsters too. Noah has no problem with that. Although he would have preferred squaring off with the man, for a host of reasons.

Helge doesn't know he's here. More than likely, Helge wouldn't approve. In all honesty Noah is not sure that he's ever made one move Helge approved of since they met. And what does that say? That Helge still follows him.

Noah wishes that he had been lying about the End. That he was just a crazy cult leader who prayed on the weak. Only - Helge wouldn't have followed him then, would he? He'd only followed him because of the irrefutable evidence, because of the perfectly tailored plan to prey on his innermost weaknesses.

The conclusion led Noah to the realization that the author - and it was Claudia, had to be - _knew_. If Noah was instructed to manipulate Helge with human affection there was a reason. If Noah was to 'reward' Helge for doing things which were revolting to him, then there had to be an established pattern of behavior to prey on.

Just like that, Noah found himself with two targets instead of one.

"Bernd Doppler." Noah roused the sleeping figure.

"Who are you?" the old man asked, to his own credit very nearly unalarmed.

Less so, though, once Noah dumped the gasoline.

"Now wait a minute -"

"For Helge." Noah said succinctly.

 

 

 

Noah, after lighting the man's father up, still comes home to a warm bed to climb into and soft arms that - puzzlingly - hold him tightly as if he were an entity to be comforted and not - something else.

He should get out, he knows that. Instead he sinks farther into the warm embrace.

"Where were you tonight?" Helge asks, all wide eyes and something a little hurt.

But he's always hurt these days. And the days before that too, Noah can't pretend he hadn't noticed. Hadn't preyed on it.

 _In my Father's house_ is a phrase Noah has used in the past. He's tempted to use it here, to make Helge retreat.

He should, he really should. Helge needs to know.

It takes him an ashamedly long time before he does.

"Your Father's house." Noah says.

He expects something, retaliation of some sort. But if he's honest, he also doesn't.

He holds Helge all night while he sobs against him.

It isn't angry, it isn't violent. It's soft whimpers and quiet tears, hurt sobs.

Like how he cried for the boys.

 

 

 

They don't speak of it again.

And it's a testament to Helge's sweetness that he isn't a suspect for a second. The police turn up to inform him the next morning when Bernd's nurse discovers him.

Noah plans a quiet service, for appearance's sake.

 

 

 

It's quiet living, mostly. While Helge's at work Noah plans to take care of Claudia.

When Helge comes home they cuddle up - and Noah has never _cuddled_ in his life - by the television that Noah has brought from the cellar into the cabin. They don't speak and Noah realizes it's probably because for the longest time he's been the instigator, he'd hardly allowed Helge a voice of his own.

Helge has always been afraid of him, at least a little. Noah understands why. He's dangerous. He's deadly. That spark of fear isn't present though, hasn't been since...Noah's biggest mistake.

Instead Helge looks at him now with those big eyes, all lovestruck and soft, inviting and forgiving.

It isn't how it should be.

The fact that Helge can't see that bothers Noah more than it should.

He should tell him, again, but he finds sometimes his voice fails him.

Helge unsurely presses against Noah's side, unsurely lays a hand on Noah's arm.

"Noah" he says softly, before leaning in to press a clumsy kiss to Noah's mouth. He seems to hesitate half way through and the motion is stuttery when he finally does it. Noah lets him take his time with it.

Helge pulls back to study him, and Noah knows his expression softens - just a little - when it really shouldn't because Helge leans back in. It's sweet, chaste.

Noah remains unresponsive and Helge pulls away, drawing his limbs back into himself.

"D-did you not...want to?" Helge asks finally.

"Not tonight." Noah responds.

He wraps an arm around him in apology, Helge relaxes into it.

 

 

 

Helge clings to him. When Noah has to leave to take care of Claudia, without explanation - always without explanation, Helge crosses his arms unhappily.

"Don't go." Helge intones, mouth downturned. His scars make him seem more vulnerable.

Noah knew the exact moment it had been happening and he'd done nothing to stop it. Had only waited in the bunker to manipulate the boy's mind. He'd told little Helge that he cared, that he'd understood. Neither had been true.

"I have business Helge."

He doesn't tell him what.

 

 

 

In the end Claudia admits it. It's too early for her to know the details of her crime.

But she knows. Knows something about Bernd and Helge.

She cries beforehand.

It won't matter if Noah does this, because nothing matters anymore.

It's a small measure of justice.

It doesn't feel good. Nothing has for a long time.

Until Helge.

Noah finds he regrets Claudia, because he knows her death will make Helge cry.

 

 

 

He doesn't tell him this time.

He follows him to work and watches. Knows he'll hear about it.

A boy Noah recognizes shows up - _Ulrich_ \- and watches too. Watches _his_ Helge.

It makes Noah think about connections, think about destiny.

Hurting Ulrich isn't going to change anything at this point and it would violate his promise.

Ulrich is a wounded animal, thrashing out. There is no crime.

Still, Noah can't say he appreciates how the boy's eyes roam over Helge, like predator appraising prey.

He moves on though.

It's about half day when Helge hears the news.

It's too much, too sick, too voyeuristic, so Noah leaves when Helge's tears start to fall.

 

 

 

They don't talk about it either, not really.

When Helge wakes up the next morning - hair mussed, throat and eyes scratchy - and says, "No more please" Noah immediately nods.

They were both for his sake, but Noah understands Helge can't hear that.

 

 

 

Slowly, they get more...intimate.

Because Noah is weak.

One morning, in his rumpled pajamas, Helge turns towards him in the small bed and deliberately unbuttons his top button. He swallows nervously, all Helge - unsure and so...hungry for love, for approval.

He waits on Noah.

"I'm s-" _Sorry. So sorry._

" _Please_." Helge asks.

That's all it takes for Noah to spring forward. A short while later he's mouthing at Helge's throat where he's tipped his head back and Helge's making the most arousing sounds.

Noah touches Helge, over the clothes.

It's still a line crossed.

When Helge hesitantly reaches for Noah though he skitters away, clears his throat.

"I'll make breakfast." is what he says.

 

 

 

The lawyers dig up more than just Bernd's will. 

Greta is alive - was alive, less than a week ago. But she isn't now, and what's more there's someone else.

Peter.

Of course Noah knows, it's in the book.

But that doesn't explain the way Helge crumples in relief, the sheer joy on his face.

It isn't for his mother's demise, although it should be.

"She said she was going to kill it. But she didn't." Helge says breathlessly, he smiles through his tears.

Noah's chest aches.

It's Helge's brother, that he's going to raise on his own.

"My son." Helge says, which is about the time Noah's heart drops.

It must show on his face because Helge's turns chalky white.

"I-u-um, you said you knew everything. That the book -" Helge continues until his voice dies straining. He looks down then, fiddles with his hands.

Noah feels like crying. But he doesn't. Instead he reaches down to loop his hand into Helge's own.

"We'll have to get a bigger place." At Helge's panicked look he adds, "Not the mansion."

Noah's known nothing. Just like Jonas said.

 

 

 

It's sweet, watching Helge awkwardly fumble through a conversation with a sullen teen. Peter immediately takes to Helge, even though he tries to hide it. He likes Noah less so but that's to be expected.

Time is probably already running out. The destruction from the event dissolving backward until it reaches them.

They're lying in bed one night and the end is near, Noah can feel it, when Helge says, "I love you". To the man that's raped him. To the man who has watched him be abused. To the man that has put him through abuse of the most horrific kind.

"I'm sorry Helge." Noah says. Although it doesn't change anything. He lists his most recent offense if he doesn't count his _justice_ , but it's not all. It's woefully lacking. "I raped you."

 Helge is quiet, as if considering. It's difficult to see his expression in the dark.

"You came back for me, no one comes back for me." His voice is small, like it hurts to admit it.

"You deserve more."

"More than the man who damned the world to be with me?" Helge asks, a little contrite, "You know I didn't....realize that part, at first."

"I know everything about you, but I don't know you well." Noah responds, a little aggressively. It shows that Noah put in no effort. It's a statement to how deplorable he is.

"And I know you well, even though I know nothing about you. We can still- " Helge counters. But then he sits up, alarmed, "You're crying."

Noah hadn't noticed.

Only Helge could give a Tinman a heart.

He should say it but he doesn't.

He kisses Helge though.

Then they go much further than that.

 

 

 

The world burns. It begins with news reports. Noah knows the signs.

The traveler - _Kahnwald_ \- is waiting for him. He has about eighty years of dust on him. He's old, about fifty five, but still Noah recognizes him. He's the wrong age to be from a loop. The only explanation is - the machine.

"You got out of the dirty work, at least." Kahnwald says, eyes full of pain and resignation.

"You didn't-" Noah begins.

"Someone had to." Kahnwald says, expression pinched.

"I see." Noah tries not to show his outward relief.

They regard each other silently, too men caught up in the stream of time.

"It costs a _lot_." Kahnwald - _Jonas_ \- says. For a moment it seems like he's about to break down before he gets a hold of it.

"I know."

He'd say Thank you, but he knows it won't be accepted.

 

 

 

Noah has the privilege of returning to their new two bedroom house where Helge is making Peter breakfast and doting on the boy.

"Peter." Noah nods and is surprised to get a sullen, "Noah" in return.

It's obvious Helge's talked to him about not calling him Father Noah anymore.

Helge beams at them both.

The scars hardly seem noticeable then, any of them.

"I love you." Noah blurts out.

Helge's whole face turns red while Peter turns steadfastly silent, watching with baited breath.

"Come help me over here then, if you love me so much." Helge teases.

Noah well aware he doesn't deserve it, that he hasn't paid in full for it.

He accepts it anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
